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Relationship Advice for Men Who are in a Sexless Marriage
By Otto Collins
Are you in a sexless marriage?
The amount of sex that a couple desires and is comfortable with varies. Some couples have sex weekly, others make love daily and many others' sexual frequency falls somewhere in between that. Yet other couples have sex once a month or once every couple of months.
There is no magic formula that links a specific number of times a couple has sex with the health of their love relationship or marriage.
In general, a sexless marriage is considered to be when a couple who has no sex or has not had sex for several months. Experts stress that you and your mate need to decide what you want when it comes to lovemaking frequency and that it is possible for a couple to choose not to have sex and still maintain a healthy relationship.
However, if you are and your partner are not having sex at all or not having sex with any frequency and this is not okay with you, the term "sexless marriage" may feel painfully appropriate to what you're living.
What can be done if you're in a sexless marriage?
First off, I'm going to list several things that you can do, but it probably isn't going to improve your situation...
-- Complain
-- Nag
-- Blame
-- Guilt-trip
-- Pressure
-- Give an Ultimatum
None of these responses toward your spouse will probably bring positive changes to your sexless marriage. In fact, they will most likely drive your wife further away.
Instead, try this advice...
Identify what's standing in the way of sexual intimacy.
If you want to stay in your marriage and start having sex again with your wife, it's important for you to get out of a blaming mode of thinking, speaking and acting. Get curious about what habits, beliefs and experiences of both you and your woman that may be standing in the way of you two making love regularly.
It could be your busy schedules that just about never overlap. It might be unresolved tensions and conflict between you two that are a constant turn-off. It may be sexual abuse or trauma that either of you experienced in the past that remains unacknowledged or unhealed. There may be health challenges that make sex difficult or unappealing to either of you.
If it seems to you that your woman is the one who is always saying "no" and stopping the two of you from having sex, this might be true-- in part. It's quite likely that there is some dynamic that you also play a part in that is negatively impacting your intimacy in the bedroom too.
As you get a clearer idea of what is standing in the way of you and your wife regularly making love, brainstorm possible ways to start to dissolve those blocks.
Re-prioritize your lives to make time and energy for lovemaking if you two are always too busy. Seek help from a health care professional if health challenges are going on. Learn strategies and work with a trained professional if either of you is struggling to heal from past abuse.
And, by all means, have the courage to acknowledge the built-up resentments and anger from ongoing or past disagreements and be the first one to take a step toward resolving them.
Work with your woman to re-discover sex together.
Above all, if you're going to stay in this marriage, you're going to want to work with instead of against your woman to bring improvements.
You two can re-connect as you re-discover sexual intimacy with one another.
Start out slow and make sure that you keep communicating about what feels good, what is comfortable, what is turning you both on (and what is not). Stay open and creative.
There may be different ways that your spouse will be intimate or sexual with you now than she was in the past. Make sure that you are sensitive to her needs and wants as well as honest about your own.
Invite yourself to have fun with this. Focus in on the intimate connections you ARE making with one another, that may or may not be sexual. This can take you closer to having more sex again and closer to one another in the process.
About the Author
Otto Collins teaches the secrets to lighting up their woman and offers men's marriage advice. To get Otto's free report: "The 10 Biggest Relationship & Passion-Killing Mistakes Men Make and What To Do About Them" sign up for his FREE relationship advice newsletter for men at www.LightHerUp.com
Susie S have you blocked me? I cannot read any of your questions!?
Goldwing, sorry I'm being boring by mentioning the same person twice. I cannot have offended Susie S because I have not answered any of her questions. I was simply curious as to why I couldn't access her Q's
Susie.....there's room on this site for both humor and seriousness. But NOT tension between two members. If you can't resolve it, then simply accept that you've agreed to disagree, and don't push the issue openly. Makes it uncomfortable for everyone else.
Prisoner Cell Block H: Susie Driscoll PART 2/5